StepGab - Step Parenting Forum » General Topics

1. 

   bravo2aviation
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   Hi I am brand new to this forum, and am in a terrible bind. Just looking for some advise from someone who has hopefully, although unfortunately, been there..My wife and I have been happily married for 8 years. I am the step dad of her two kids, ages 13(boy), and 17(girl). We also have a 4 year old that is ours together. The 13 year old is good as gold, but the 17 year old girl has been a troublemaker for as long as I've known them. She has been expelled from school, been caught cutting herself, been in therapy, which according to her therapist, successfully completed, and the list goes on. I have kept a little distance, while still letting it be known that her mom and I are united in our decisions. About 6 months ago, she decided she would rather be "gay", which, as a devout christian family, we do not like. She seemingly complied with our rules, but we have recently found out about sneaking out and a secret cell phone provided by the other girl, who is 16. My wife and I went christmas shopping earlier today, the 13 year old was playing in a basketball tourney, and we left our daughter in charge of babysitting the 4 year old. Upon arrival, the 4 year old began describing all the "activity" that went on ALL DAY while the other girl was there. She came over right after we left as he was eating his breakfast, and stayed all day, so no supervision. This REALLY ticked me and my wife off. When my wife confronted her about it, She (daughter) became irate and kicked my wife in the throat and began texting one of her school friends that she was being harrassed. I later found out that this was not the first occurrance of the girl coming over, and that my little 4 year old was threatened not to say anything. How should I handle this situation??? I am in deep need of advise. I am protecting my little boy with prayer first and foremost, but also with force if needed..Thanks so much

   Posted 9 months ago #
2. 

   njsuperfreak
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   You should first handle this situation a prayer...Kids are going to rebel, and experience life on there own. It's our jobs as parents to inform them of the consequences. We can only try to educate them to make wiser choices, and to try avoid the pain that we went though at that age.

   I can tell you from experience is not easy being a step child. I grew with a half def step father, who treated his real kids differently then us. He lacked the communication skills which ultimately lead to his down fall.

   I don't think there is really much you can do but pray, and be supported of her. You need to somehow reach into her world and find out what is really going on here. It's seems as though she is reaching for attention. So give her some, try to find a common interest. Time, Prayer, and the Lords Guidance will see you through...

   Posted 9 months ago #
3. 

   wickedstep
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   I'm sorry you have to live through this. Girls take things differently then boys, as I'm sure you know having both. Is her bio dad involved in her life? Sounds like this girl has some deep rooted problems, and most likely anger & resentment towards her parents. Something I will say about Psychologists, is that sometimes you have to try a few before you get good results. We had this problem with the oldest skid, and had to take her to 3 before it seemed to do any good. I would try not to giver her problems extra attention if it can be avoided, but see if you can get on her level and connect. It's hard with a 17yr old, because they know the freedom of 18 is right round the corner and if they want they can do as they please.
   Most likely she is just experimenting with being gay, and the fact that it's taboo in your house may make it all the more appealing.
   Perhaps if you use reverse psychology on her, have a sit down with her & tell her that while the bible says it is wrong to be gay, you & her mom still love and care about her, although you think she is making a big mistake. Perhaps acknowledging that shes "gay" will make it less taboo. Also, have her invite her friend over when the family is around, and try to get to know this other girl, if you don't already. Let her know that she can have her friend over anytime, and that she is welcome in your house. Usually, bringing something like this into the open and making it a well known thing makes it less desirable, since you wouldn't be fighting her on it. Trying to shame teenagers out of what they are doing hardly works.
   Otherwise, it's a good thing your praying because there is not lot else you can do to a 17 yr old, but wait till they are 18 and kick them out. But if you want to reach her, do what Jesus would and show her that you accept her & care about her, and if she is determined to be gay, then you will love her anyways.
   That being said, you may want to take babysitting privileges away from her for the safety of your 4yr old. If she has subjected the child to this, then what else has she tried when your not around? She has broken your trust, and you would be better off spending the money for a capable babysitter to keep an eye on everyone when your not around.
   Best of luck!

   "Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it."

   Posted 9 months ago #

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